This feeling Had to be wrong
by thiscouldbewrong
Summary: This is a fiction. I do not own Supernatural. Cas can't stop thinking about Dean. He knows it can never be them, but he still tortures himself with what could have been and visits Deans dreams. There will eventually be graphic scenes.
1. chapter 1

**Authors notes: I do not own Supernatural, and this fiction is not going to stay all that true to the characters, I'm going to try to the best of my ability, but since it has Dean/Cas pairing they need to step into a new mindset. I have borrowed some of the story from another fiction, it inspired to make this one, I hope it isn't all to obvious which one. This fiction os set before season 5. Sorry for the long introduction, lets get started.**

 **Chapter** **1**

Dean was exhausted to say the least. Sam and him had been on the road for so long now, never getting enough sleep, never slowing down. Sam had just hours before insisted that they needed to take a break. Dean pulled of his worn clothes stained with god knew only what, before stepping into a hot unrelenting spray of water. Blood and dirt mixed with the water, as he stared blindly at his feet, to worn out to really be doing this. He reached for the soap, pushing out a generous amount onto his hands before slowly applying it, massaging his sore muscles and extra careful to the bruises on his torso. He grunted from pain, as he hit a particularly sore spot, relieved it hadn't been any worse. He knew Sam was right, they couldn't continue like this, it would kill them. Provided the angels didn't bring them back. He shook his head shutting of the spray of water. Without thinking he grabbed for the towel, grabbing something else. He looked up startled. The thing he had touched had been Cas' trenchcoat.

"God Cas!" He yelped, trying and failing to cover his private parts. Cas gave him a thoughtful onceover, and the hairs stood in Deans neck, this was way to strange.

"Out now, I'll come in a second" Dean said. Cas said nothing, just frowned and disappeared, leaving Dean shocked and a bit angry. They had heard nothing for a long time, and now this. He felt wired and more than ready to let his frustration out on the angel. He found a towel, dried himself and wrapped it around his waist, preparing himself.

As he came out Cas turned towards him. His eyes blue calm, and he seemed relaxed, something Dean had never seen in his friend before.

"What do you want?" He asked, trying to keep his temper in check. Cas shrugged.

"I just thought I should check in, ask how it goes, isn't it common practice among friends?" He asked. Dean frowned, this wasn't his friends normal behavior.

"All right." He said, motioning for Cas to turn around as he took of his towel. Cas didn't turn around. Uncomfortable Dean took a new pair of boxers on, as Cas continued to stare, not in any way curiously, but still. It was too much.

"It has been too long, but if you just came to say hi, can't you do that tomorrow? We can go out for a beer or something?" Dean tried hard not to blush, putting on a t-shirt just to get some layers between him and Cas' intense gaze.

"Like a .. date?" Cas asked, his voice rasped a bit, making the hairs on neck stand.

"No, not a date." Dean said, looking for the right words.

"Just an appointment, one you have with your friends, when you haven't seen them for a while." Dean explained. Cas nodded, something lurking in his deep blue eyes, like a storm, but he didn't say anything.

"At 8 after dinner, at the pub just by the corner?" Dean asked, when the silence between them had streched enough for him to feel just a tiny bit frustrated. Cas nodded once and disappeared with the sound of fluttering wings. Deans head was way too tired to contemplate his friends mysterious behavior. Even if it was nice to know they could finally meet and plan things, regroup as they could not risk opening Lucifers cage.

Tired Dean finally fell asleep, calmly on his left side, as Cas appeared again.

"I'm sorry about this, but I need to know." he said, lightly touching his friends forehead, finding Dean in a dream about a bar, he smiled lightly at the thought. Without another word he entered it.

Dean sat at the bar smiling at a pretty brunette bartender. He was obviously into her. Her hair was loose, and the soft waves fell all the way to the upper part of a well sculpted bottom in the shortest, tightest skirt Cas had ever seen. He sat down besides his friend, smiling lightly, when Dean noticed him.

"Hey." He said. Dean smiled and gestured for the bartender to pour another drink.

"Dean, I have something I need to discuss with you." Cas said, eying the liquid placed in front of him.

"Yes, of course." Dean answered smiling that charming smile and sending the bartender a naughty look.

"Something is up." Before Dean could interrupt Cas rose a hand.

"Not just with the seals breaking. No Dean, it's something I cannot discuss with the other angels." Deans smile vanished, and Cas frowned. He liked his friend better when he was smiling, even if it was just a front.

"What is it?" Dean asked looking around, like the angels was in the bar with them. Cas swallowed a lump in his throat, finding the words difficult to voice out loud.

"I have these.. feelings." Cas admitted, licking his suddenly dry lips. Angels didn't really feel. Dean knew that.

"What kind of feelings?" Dean asked, leaning towards his angelic friend. Cas nibbled on his bottom lip, looking at Deans full lips.

"Oh, you know.. All of them" He said looking away. Dean would know there was more to it, but these forbidden desires, he wasn't ready to share them. Not even with Dean. Dean laughed shortly, slapping Cas back lightly.

"Nothing wrong with EARTHLY desires." he laughed. Suddenly there were two bartenders. Cas smiled and shook his head. Even in his dreams Dean was selfless, his unconscious mind creating a girl, he deemed appropriate for an angel. That the image was something Cas didn't find interesting was another matter. He looked at the girl, smiling at Deans crappy taste. The girl was blonde, her hair in a long smooth ponytail, her eyes and face innocent, her lips a sparkling glossy, and for most males probably a tempting red. She was in a revealing schoolgirl outfit, the skirt too short to fully cover her but. Cas shrugged, when she licked her lips, while looking at him. Dean leaned forward, whispering something in the brunette bartenders ears, which made her giggle.

"How..What is sex?" Cas finally managed to ask.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors notes: Seems like I really can't place when this should have happened. In season five Dean and Castiel goes to a brothel and I believe the things happening there happens later than this story.**

 **Chapter 2**

Dean froze mid movement.

"Are you seriously asking me that question?" Dean asked, finishing his third drink. Castiel didn't say anything. Perhaps he would have blushed, perhaps he already was. This body was strange in its reactions. How this craving for Dean had started he didn't know.

"Yes." He locked eyes with Dean.

"Well. Watch some porn Cas, it is nothing to talk to me about." Dean chuckled, shaking his head. Cas nodded. He knew this was the answer to expect. Judging from that bartender Dean wasn't interested. He knew that.

"Show me." Cas said. Dean put down his beer.

"No." Dean said, firmer this time.

"Go home and watch Casa erotica." Castiel nodded, looking at the bartender. He had seen sex performed between angels before, and once he had seen humans too, though also on a mission. He hadn't ever tried it himself, had never felt the urge. He knew it would prove no problem overpowering Dean, but he wanted his consent. He wanted Dean to feel something if anything resembling the lust inside him. He left Deans view, gulit wrapping itself around him, as he changed the setting of Deans dream. Altering dreams were after all nothing to an angel.

Dean was in a shower, he was washing his hair. Being on a mission always seemed way to hard, and with the seals breaking faster than ever, he felt like the dirt could never be removed. Guilt ate at him.

"Care if I join you?" A girl asked. Her eyes a piercing serious blue, her face rounder than Deans normal taste. Something about her seemed familiar. Dean laughed.

"Please do." And she stepped in. Dean felt instant heat collecting in his stomach at the sight of her body. She had small perky naked breasts glistening from the water hitting them with regular intervals, her stomach was flat, a small stone in a piercing by her navel. Smooth as a baby, he thought, sliding his rough fingers around her soft warm and wet skin. She closed her eyes and lifted her face up, towards him, ignoring the punishing spray of water. Dean complied, letting his mouth dvell on the sweet soft lips of his present companion. Her eyes were closed, as she leaned towards him, her breasts pushing against his harder one. Dean groaned into her mouth, letting their tounges fight for dominance. Somehow she seemed inexperienced. Not something Dean had ever really tried before. He shut the water of without loosening his grip on the woman in front of him.

"Who are you?" he asked, kissing her again. She rubbed her face on his, was that stubble? He opened his eyes. Her face was smooth, unfazed by his stubble. He shrugged kissing her again, she opened her mouth easily under his, inviting him in.

"I am no one in particular." She whispered in between kisses. Her hands grapping his butt tightly. He let his rough hands skim down her trim waist. She trembled under his touch, leaning into him heavily.

"Lets move this into the bed." He whispered in her ear, kissing her just beneath her mandible. She moaned, a sweet little sigh by his ear, biting him on his earlobe. He pushed her against the tiles, spreading small kisses down her throat till he reached her left perky nibble. He bit her, letting his other hand gently squeeze her right breast. She sighed, her knees weak.

"Yes, let's.. Go to bed." She put her hands around his neck, letting him hold her in his strong arms. Dean slowly put her on the bed, watching the girl in front of him. There was something about her. Her eyes? He thought. It seemed eerily familiar. She grabbed his arms, when he stopped above her, trying and failing to make a connection.

"This is sex?" Castiel said. The girl beneath Dean had dissapeared, the angel standing beside him, his trenchcoat open.

"Is that a boner?" Dean asked, rolling over, pulling the sheet with him.

"That was a shit move Cas." Dean said angrily.

"Was that girl you? That is so not cool." The blush creeping up Deans neck, coloring his ears were cute. Castiel coughed awkwardly.

"I needed to know" He said moving closer.

"Needed to know what?"Dean asked. He tried to control his temper, and was clearly loosing. Castiel didn't answer, instead he leaned forward, his lips slowly almost too lightly touching Deans. Dread filled Dean as he recognized those lips. They had belonged to that girl in the bed. Sweet, innocent, soft. Dean found himself leaning into the kiss. Even if it was Castiel and not the girl. Castiel broke the kiss, staring intendly down at Dean. This was happening faster, than he ever thought it could. Dean should have pushed him away.

"Could you bring back the darkhaired hottie?" Dean asked, licking his lips.

"She was me." Castiel admitted, he looked down. The look of embarrasment comical on Castiels face.

"Yeah, so what? Female you was hot." Dean said smiling. "And I'm horny, and this." Dean looked around. "This is just a dream right? I doesn't matter who I bang." Castiel shook his head. He smiled, but the smile was sad.

"Yes, Dean, I can." A flutter of wings told of his depature and the girl returned. The joy in her eyes were replaced by an unwelcome seriousness. Dean leaned forward, touching her soft breast and kissing her mouth.

"Come on." Dean asked, pushing his erection against her hip. "Don't you want this?" He asked. His breath hot and fiery just beneath her ear.

"Yes." She answered, putting her hands around him, and pushing his body against hers. Encouraged by her embrace, Dean positioned himself above her.

"Normally I would prepare you a little." He said, nibbling her upper body. "Perhaps use my tounge there, to really get you wet. But you don't want that." Dean said, grinding his growing erection against her hipbone.

"What if I would?" She asked, biting his collarbone with her small teeth. Dean laughed, his dick jumping against her.

"God Cas, you are one son-of-a-bitch" He said, a hand sliding down, making sure to trace a pattern down her stomach, playing with her piercing finally reaching his mark between her legs. She moaned loudly, pushing his hand away. Dean kissed her, trying to get his hand back in and spread her legs for him to get between. She didn't budge.

"No." She whispered, holding his hand captive with her firm thighs.

"So no good times?" Dean whispered falling on his back beside her.

"No. I'm not ready."


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors notes: thank you very much for your reviews, I hope you will enjoy this chapter too.**

 **Chapter 3**

Dean woke up. He blinked his eyes open staring at the cracked wall. The white paint was old, several places it was missing, but it felt comfortable. He groaned shifting onto his back. His erection was almost painful. He pulled down the waistband of his underwear, letting his member spring free. He closed his eyes, thinking about the brunette bartender with the hazel eyes. It was probably for the best he hadn't had sex in his dreams, had it been too vivid the sticky evidence would have been smeared all over his torso. He grunted, expertly twisting his hand, making shivers of lust course through him. Images changed to the brunette girl he had been with in the shower. He didn't know, why he had known it was a dream, but it had been obvious. Dean felt the heat of release coil tightly in his stomach, it was almost to fast. He didn't understand this crippling need. Castiel was in his mind now, infesting his thoughts. He grunted dissatisfied and let go of his member. He couldn't finish, not thinking about him, Castiel, the angel who had saved him. He straightened his underwear, pulled down his t-shirt and swung his legs out of the bed. A loud knock on the door removed any lingering thoughts of Castiel.

"What?" he yelled stifling a yawn. Sam walked in, oblivious to his brothers partially naked body.

"I think I found a case." Sam said waving around a newspaper. Dean squinted, the paper moving too fast for him to read anything. Sam sat down.

"There might be more to the story in Tulsa." Sam explained. Dean laughed looking at Sam.

"So I found a case." he corrected sending his brother a knowing smirk. Sam snorted twisting his lips in a wry smile.

"Well yes. But it doesn't matter. I think we should go check it out before the house gets sold again." Sam said. Dean nodded and smiled, standing up and streching, his bones creaking as he twisted his upper body. The sooreness was almost gone, and only a few darkening bruises remained. It didn't take Dean long to get dressed, thoughts of Castiel long gone in the face of a new hunt.

"Go get breakfast?" he asked smiling. Sam nodded.

"This guy was killed by a ghost, it's got to be." Sam said. his computer by his breakfast. Dean shook his head, salad wasn't a real breakfast. Dean dug in his bacon and eggs. It was greasy, fattening and absolutely delicious. The disapproving stare Sam sent him further heightened the satisfaction as he gobbled the dish up.

"Didn't they feed you in hell?" Sam asked frowning. Dean froze, a mixture of pain and disbelief in his face. Sam sighed and rubbed his face with his left hand.

"God, sorry Dean. I didn't think. I don't know why I said it" Dean pushed back the plate with a frown. Sams apology ecchoed in his head, but it didn't hit its mark. Instead Dean swallowed the anger. This was what happened when you spilled your guts, people would be able to poke right in the open bleeding wound, and they wouldn't care about the consequenses. Dean tossed a napkin on top of it, angrily admitting to himself, that his actions made him seem like a dissatisfied 3 year old.

"This is crazy. let's just go already." Sam took out some bills and threw them on the table. He didn't discuss the sudden rush and packed down his computer in the blink of an eye.

"Lets go."

 **Authors notes: Dean forgot about his date with Cas, but it doesn't matter. The angel knows where to find him.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"I'm a cowboy, on a steelhorse I ride, I'm wanted, waanteed deead or aalive" Dean sang. Not a single tune was hit. Sam shook his head looking out the open window. Why Dean had taken such a liking to this song after his trip downstairs, Sam could only guess. Dean lifted both his eyebrows sending Sam the too familiar look of gleaming self satisfaction.

"As far as I can see, the family living in the house where hit by great misfortunes. The wife died, the daughter killed herself in the attic, and then the father gets iced?" Sam said, narrowing his eyes at the article.

"The daughter or the mother?" Dean asked, lowering the volume of Bon Jovis singing, making conversation possible.

"Wanna bet something was off about the mothers death?" Sam asked genuine surprise in his eyes.

"Why not, it's the time of the apocalypse Sam, we might as well." Dean laughed sarcastically, winking at Sam.

"We shouldn't bet about peoples misfortunes Dean." Sam sighed rubbing a hand over his eyes. Dean frowned, it didn't take a genius to figure out Sam hadn't slept. Dean frowned even deeper. He had thought nothing of it when Sam had suggested they acquire separate rooms, but now the suspicion was back. Sam shifted in his seat lost in jis thoughts. Dean looked back at the road, signs passing them as they neared their goal.

"We have been driving for hours Dean, I'm hungry." Sam said. Dean nodded his consent.

"Let us eat, then drive." Dean said. Sam gestured to the next exit and Dean turned.

"Finally air." Dean grunted stretching. Sam huffed and started walking towards the greasy diner by the highway.

The lights flickering with the diners name "Dianes" it said with big curly letters. Big windows filling half of the walls facing the large mostly empty parking lot. Sam found a small table overlooking the area, he drank something from a flask hidden in his inner pocket. Perhaps he didn't think Dean saw it, but he did. Uncertain wheter or not to confront Sam with his suspicions, Dean waited by the door, until Sam had put it away. He wasn't really a drinker, and a flask like that could only contain something a lot stronger than beer. Dean sat down in front of Sam smiling at the overweight waitress standing in front of them with a small notebook in her hand and a pencil in the other. She was chewing a piece of gum, her dead brown eyes. Deans smile haltered at her strange expression, sending Sam a sceptical look, his eyebrows raised all the way to his hairline. Sam huffed, looking at the menu in front of them.

"I would like a Caesar Salad and a large beer." He started. The waitress scribbled on her notepad, turning her heavy corpus towards Dean. Dean moved anxiously in the large soft bench, skimming over the menu. Something sizzling in the kitchen.

"I would like a cheeseburger, extra bacon, a side of fries and also a beer,you know what make that two." He smiled charmingly at the waitress who scribbled huffed and turned ar.

"For a second I thought it would be like an earthquake when she moved." Dean laughed. Sam frowned.

"Why did you order two beers?" She came with three beers, putting two in front of Dean and one in front of Sam. The she placed two napkins and some worn cutlery. Dean said nothing and instead started polishing his fork.

"This place is seriously filthy." He said moving on to the knife.

"Not the worst place we've been." Dean nodded. This was far from the worst place they had ever eaten. The bell on the door rang, Castiel walked in, a serious expression on his face.

"There you are, why weren't you in the bar like we agreed?" Castiel said, his voice gravelly, as his cold eyes swept over the place finally settling on Sam.

"Well at least I remembered and ordered you a beer, come sit with us." Dean patted the soft pillow next to him, trying to suppress a smile at Sams surprised look.

"Cas, what a surprise. We haven't heard from you in a long time.. Or so I thought." Sam sent Dean a wondering look. his brows furrowed together.

"Thank you." Castiel answered sitting down next to Dean. Dean lifted his glass, downing half of it, Sam lifted his and Castiel slowly lifted his also.

"How much do you need to drink to get drunk?" Dean asked, Castiel downed the beer like a pro.

The waitress served the food, eyeing the newcomer with a curious look. She smiled at Castiel, her teeth small and broken, her lips small. Nothing about her was flattering, Castiel sent Dean and Sam a begging look, Dean just laughed grabbing for his burger.

"Can my friend have another beer?" Dean asked her. The waitress smile wavered as she dragged her eyes from the angel back to Dean. Dean glared back at the waitress taking a big bite from the greasy and not at all satisfying burger.

"Please." Sam cut in. The waitress nodded not bothering to scribble down the irder. Suddenly her wide hips swayed, and she threw her hair back sending Castiel an air kiss. Dean slobbered over his burger, his loud chewing noises filling the silence.

"How many seals has been broken?" Sam asked casually stabbing his salad and eating it.

"I think about forty or so." Castiel answered in a monotonous voice. Sam nodded.

"Do you think we can stop it?" Sam continued, finishing his salad. Pain and anger lingered in the depts of his eyes. Castiel let his blue eyes trache over the broad tense shoulders, the barely visible flask in his left pocket, outlining his destiny. Castiel glanced at Dean, eating unsuspecting of the depth of Sams betrayal of his humanity.

"Once, but now.. something is wrong." Castiel admitted. The waitress placed another beer in front of Castiel who drank it like a man depraved of water, finally reaching a well.

"Diane, you love your husband, and you don't want to do this." Castiel said pushing away her hands, suddenly on his lap. Dean laughed heartily.

"Taken an interest in waitresses Cas?" He sipped his beer, waving at the scorned waitress with a laugh.

"God, I needed that Cas, I really did." Castiel sent Sam a warning glance, and he hid his amused smile.

"I'll go fet us a room." Sam said, throwing some money on the table. Silence fell between Dean and Castiel.

"Where's Uriel?" Dean asked, rubbing his full stomach.

"I don't know. The angels are watching me closely, but he is off on some mission, they haven't shared anything with me."

dean nodded, wondering for the millionth time why Castiel put up with that crap.

"It's gods will, you understand." Castiel continued, facing Dean. They where sitting way too close. Dean scooted back, hitting the wall.

"I had this weird dream." Dean started, a blush creeping up his neck.

"Yes..?" Castiel answered looking Dean straight in the eye. Dean saw nothing on his face, no surprise, no deceit. He frowned.

"What of this... strange dream?" Castiel asked, careful not to let anything slip.

"You were in it." Castiel lifted a brow, the arrogant indifference settled on his face.

"So?" Dean scoffed averting his gaze. Castiel definitely tried to make him admit it.

"I thought maybe you... had something to do with it?" Something akin a smile settled on Castiels face. It wasn't one of humor, more malicious than anything.

"I didn't. Anything else you want to ask?" Castiel stood.

"No." Castiel nodded.

"You're going to the case in Tulsa?" Dean nodded avoiding Castiels eyes.

"Here." Sam tossed a pair of keys on the table, Dean jumped in his seat, sending Sam an angry glare. Castiel disappeared without a partin words and Sam raised his brow with a smirk.

"Different rooms again Sammy? what's the matter, don't like my company anymore?"


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

Sam looked at Dean with a confused and defensive look, his eyebrows. Dean squinted at Sam, his strange expression, the something Sam hid inside himself flashing every now and again and was almost to obvious now. Sam played absentmindedly with his keys, holding Deans eyes.

"Dean, it's not a big deal, I just need space. You don't know how it was those months without you. I wanted you back, but there is no need for us to rent the same room, not when we have enough money to have our own space. I need that.. Space." Sam defended himself. Dean sighed.

"It works better if we are together, if someone comes and tries to do something." Sam lifted his eyebrows shaking his head in disbelief.

"God, just listen to yourself Dean, you're paranoid." Sam turned around determined to end the discussion even if it meant leaving Dean to his troubles. Dean watched Sam leave, his broad back tense and rigid. He knew nothing would come from arguing, they had already booked the room, but he just couldn't shake that feeling. He shook his head trying to clear some of the confusion and suspicion from his mind. If Sam wasn't ready to tell him, he needed to give him space. Dean stood, made sure enough money was on the table, including a sizeable tip. He needed to get some sleep. The case in Tulsa seemed open and shut, but it was nice being on the road. Anything to forget what he had done, who he had become. It didn't take much time for him to finally find his room. He looked around the hallway, it was small, the walls coated with an almost too well preserved beige paint on the walls, and the worn out rug on the floor matched the color, making it almost nausiating to walk through. Dean scoffed, shaking his head with a smile and unlocking the door. Castiel was inside.

"Dean, I couldn't say this in front of Sam, but you have got to monitor him, he is on a slippery road, and none of the angels seem to care." Castiel sent Dean a serious look, his blue eyes emphatic. He wanted to say more, Dean had no doubt, and why Castiel didn't utter another word, telling Dean why watching Sam was so damn important. He rubbed his eyes.

"Listen Cas, you are being intentionally vague, and I can't force Sam to do anything, and if you don't tell me what I need to look out for, I cannot, I will not do anything." Cas frowned turning away from Dean.

"I know, they know too. I'm sorry Dean. Maybe you want to stay here a little, before moving to the other case in Tulsa. You might find something interesting here." His words got Deans attention, he straightened and focused his forrest green eyes on the angel.

"A case? Here?" Before he could anything Castiel was gone. There had been nothing on the map, no articles, nothing to make their attention seek this particular no body town or even this motel. Was there? The suspicion tore at him. Did Sam ask for them to stop at that exact time because he knew? How could he. Frustration built inside him quickly being replaced by anger. He knew it wasn't fair, but being intentionally kept in the dark by his own brother made Dean bloody angry. He jumped on the bed, smiling wryly when he saw the worn out remote control.

"Magic fingers." He said softly, lying on his back, turning on the crappy massage function. The room was cozy in the worn down, used to often, not properly maintained, worn down run of the mill motelroom. He liked those. Noone cared about you there, no one bothered to find out anything. He liked anonymity, and in his line of work anonymity was key.

"Cas, if you can hear me... You're a bastard." Dean said to himself, the magic fingers stopping. He felt tired, strangely since their day had been anything but eventful. To delay the inevitable Dean took the remote for the tv and turned it on. As expected they had pay per view, Dean skimmed the erotic films, settling on some random schoolgirl porn, why he didn't know. When the film finally started he didn't watch. It wasn't something he had ever used his time on before, but then again, he had never had this much privacy. Two girls started making out expertly opening each others shirts. It was supposed to be teasing, but Dean just felt uncomfortable. Had there been some other option than the diner, he would have gone there. Sounds of giggling and kissing noises emerged from the tv, but Dean didn't look. He couldn't, instead he thought of hisown dream, of the sloppy and wet kisses he had sharedwith the girl who looked so much like his friend. But of course hot. Dean didn't go for guys. He shuddered thinking about that one strange dvelling kiss between him and Castiel in his dream. When Castiel had been very much himself, stubble, stern jaw and all. Only in dreams that could have been a good idea. And the thought of the angel wanting him was almost laughable. Dean did not laugh.

Castiel waited paitiently in the shadows. Why he hid, when he was invisible he couldn't explain, but he said to himself, it felt more right. When snooping on someone, you might as well hide like the coward you are. He let Deans thoughts flood him, as he watched the object of his desires lying on the bed, boner starting to show in his worn jeans. He felt something, heat? creeping up his cheeks. He was blushing. He moved a bit, looking at Dean. Laughable? He frowned stepping forward, still invisible but no longer hiding by the curtains. He wanted to say something, defend himself, but in this state nothing could be done. He would never have asked for a kiss, and Dean giving it to him willingly? That meant something, something other than just him dreaming. Castiel was certain of it, and Deans desperate thoughts, trying to explain it, made him even more certain, and even determined to prove him wrong. Even if it meant morphing into that girl again. He wasn't a bastard, he was following some very human, and very dominant feelings, and those feelings let him into Deans arms. Hopefully even more than just an embrace. He thought smiling sadly. Even if he could only have Dean in the dreamworld.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

Castiel casually entered Deans dream. It wasn't relaxed, or horny, or any of the thing he had imagined, and seeing Dean frightened to the point of panic wasn't high on his list of experiences. Dean usually faced enough danger in the real life, And dreaming about it seemed unnecessary.

"Nice of you to come and help." Dean groaned pushing against a worn out red door. Whatever was behind that door scratched and tore and pushed at the door, growling and howling like a wolf or a lion. It was hard to tell.

"What is happening?" Castiel asked curiously looking at the door he held.

"A freaking monster is what." Dean answered angrily sending Castiel an annoyed look, his green eyes shining from repressed fear and anger.

"Dean this is a dream." Castiel concluded his voice calm and his eyes locked on Deans lips.

"What are you saying? This is a nightmare?" Dean lowered his voice, the monster retreating from the door, but he didn't let go. His shirt was torn, small wounds were scattered all over his upper body. Castiel walked over to Dean, touched his forehead and the room disappeared spreading and dissolving till everything around them was completely white.

"What the fuck is going on Cas?" Dean took a step back when the angel came too close, close enough for Dean to feel his breath and se the small amount of brown around the irises of his eyes. Castiel moved with him, and Dean fell on a bed appearing out of nowhere, he blinked and Castiel was gone, the girl was back. Dean smiled charmingly biting his lower lip. She was in a white corsage with pretty blondes in the sides emphasizing her tanned skin. Cute little blondes covered her between her legs. It was hard for Dean not to touch her, but she motioned for him not to.

"Just let me." she said, her voice husky and low. Dean nodded as she leaned in, her breasts pushed up and in making them seem bigger. He licked his lips and took a deep breath. Her skin smelled like summer rain, fresh, clean and god so soft. Dean lifted a hand let a finger slide down the smooth skin of her hip, where the corsage stopped.

"Never good at taking orders." She laughed softly and softly let a hand down to his, their fingers intertwining. His palms were rough from all the manual work, and hers were soft, small but strong. Dean used their connection to pull her closer, and her breasts pushed up against his chest, warm, human. Dean smiled against her lips before slowly kissing her.

"You are so beautiful." He whispered, sliding a hand into her brown soft hair. She pushed up against him. He took the cue and let himself fall back on the bed, pulling her with him. She straddled him grinding him as she pushed herself up. Dean grapped her hips staring up at the girl.

"You weren't ready yesterday." Dean said smiling at her. She nodded slowly moving her hips in a slow teasing movement. He wanted her to go faster, he wabted her to stop, he wanted what the fuck was going on.

"Are you ready now?" Dean asked, softly tugging at her hips, urging her to continue the teasing. He felt strained, like his whole body was aching for release. His body tense, he moved his hips, creating even more of that delicious friction, causing his pants to grow tight.

"Why would yiu do this to yourself?" ahe asked, gently touching a wound. He winced from the sudden pain rippling thrugh him.

"Arg, don't touch that, it hurts." He groaned, pushing her off.

"I can help you with the pain." She said, he nodded. A small touch and warmth spread throughout his body, like a light turning on inside him.

"Thank you." Dean leaned forward for a kiss, but hit nothing but air. He opened his eyes, she was gone.

"Can you please make up your mind." Dean shouted standing up.

"Yes." Castiel said, she appeared once more, this time gloriously naked. Dean sighed happily.

"I was afraid you would turn into Cas again." Dean smiled and let his fingers roam around her soft womanly body.

"You're beautiful." Dean whispered again. She nodded and started pushing up his shirt, he let her and smiled when her fingers softly fluttered over his stomach.

"Are you holding you stomach in for me Dean?" Sge purred biting his ear teasing.

Dean let god, releasing the muscles holding in his stomach. She giggled.

"Your stomach is gorgeous." He smiled cocky and winked.

"You should see the rest of me." She blushed at his words, pushing the top of without much effort. Dean tried to hide his sudden and very intense insecurity. New scars were scattered all over his upper body, including the not so handsome handprint on his left upper arm. She kissed every finger on the scar.

"I like having marked you like this." She whispered, he flinched, but didn't push her away.

"Even with another you will have this" She kissed his scar and palmed his erection through the fabric of his jeans. He groaned torn between the most erotic feeling he ever experienced and thinking about his angel friend giving him such pleasure.

"I need to feel you." he groaned, tracing his fingers down her stomach finding that sensitive spot between her legs. She moaned spreading her legs for him. The thought of her doing that was arousing, even more exiting knowing how she had fought the feeling the night before.

"You feel so good." he whispered showering her upper body with light kisses as she bucked against him.

"Yes." she moaned opening for him. He let a finger trace her entrance, feeling the wetness, sliding his finger pleasingly around til she pushed her hips down, his finger filling her up. She tense, as she started moving for him slowly up and down. He let her, smiling as she arched her back.

"Easy girl" he laughed pushing in another finger.

"I need to get you ready for me." She nodded and moaned as he let his thumb rub her most sensitive spot.

"What are you doing to me?" she whispered, her insides starting to squeeze around his fingers.

"Are you?" he didn't get to finish as she started convulsing around him. He kissed a nipple and let her ride out the storm as she pleased.

"Oh my god Dean, is it always like this?" She asked falling down on the bed beside him.

"Usually I get a little more than two fingers in." Dean grinned.

"Though I'm not complaining." The female Castiel turned to watch Dean, beads of sweat had gathered between her breasts, and he wanted to lick them of and bury himself inside that tight little heat of hers, but he didn't move, instead watching slowly, awaiting her next move.

"I want you to want me." she confessed.

"Sugar, do you not see my reaction to you?" he asked signalling for her to look at his erection. She shook her head.

"I want you to want me as who I am'" she said looking away.

"Like the angel? I can never see you like that, and I don't think I'll be into that whole light thing." Dean tried to disarm the situation. Castiel sighed.

"My male form."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Dean sat straight up in his bed. He was breathing heavily and looked around the room, expecting Castiel to be there already apologizing and explaining himself. There was no one, he shook his head forcing away any thought of the dream he'd had.

"I want you to want me." the words forced themselves through and he closed his eyes. If Castiel wasn't manipulating his dreams, he had no way of figuring out what meaning they held. Castiel had never let on his feelings, and to be frank he doubted the angel were feeling at all. The other dream came back.

"I'm feeling everything." that was essentially Castiels words, before creating a scene in which Dean and female Castiel should play the happy couple. Dean closed his eyes and fell back on the bed with a thud. The room seemed colder, the air cooling his exposed chest. Frowning he opened his eyes.

"Please be a malfunctioning on the a.c., please be a malfunctioning on the a.c." No changes had been made, and he stood. Inspecting the device, he concluded that the machine wasn't the sinner.

"God dammit." Dean muttered under his breath, listening to every sound, or as it turned out, non sound in the room. He searched the wall for something anything with his eyes finding nothing to help against the entity affecting the rooms temperature. Nothing, of course. Dean scoffed and turned around, a little disappointed that it would end like this. Time slowed down, he squinted at the entity, _a ghost?_ He jumped away in the last second, rolling on the floor and in a fluid motion bolted through the door.

He knew it was no use, if it were truly a ghost, it wouldn't matter how fast he ran. Why didn't Castiel do anything, he had to be there, he had to know. Angels could probably destroy ghosts, like he had seen Castiel once do a demon, torching the monster away. He had to be there, or some kind of trickster playing mindgames with him. Was the monster even really there?

"SAM!" Dean yelled as the shadowy entity pushed him very realistically against the wall, he grunted trying and failing to find anything that could be used to fight of the hold around him, squeezing his throat painfully.

"Dean." Sam swung a crowbar, the thing disappearing. Dean felt himself fall like a sack potatoes, massaging his sore neck.

"Was it a ghost?" Sam asked, his brows furrowed as he eyed his brother. Dean shook his head.

"There is no way of knowing, but it didn't look like a ghost." His voice was still gruff, and he coughed.

"It reacted to iron." Sam said playing with the blunt weapon. Dean laughed.

"Thank you by the way." Sam nodded and pointed at Deans room.

"We checked EMF earlier, there weren't any spikes, I checked the internet, there are no suspicious deaths, no murders, no apparent spiritual activity, and yet you managed to get attacked." Sam laughed shaking his head. Dean carefully looked around the room, the temperature was restored, daybreak lighting up the room.

"It doesn't make any sense. There is nothing to suggest what happened could or should have been able to happen." Sam nodded. Dean was right, had he not yelled and just been pushed up against the wall utterly defenseless, he would have been dead, but nothing had given them any reason to suspect. It shouldn't have ended there either. Dean watched Sam intently searching for answers on his laptop.

"Why did you sleep without any weapons you crazy idiot." Sam asked, watching Dean intendly. He was still absentmindedly rubbing the red on his neck. Dean didn't answer, didn't look at Sam, instead he looked down on his lap. The sun was rising, sunlight already pushing throug the cracks in the curtains.

"Do you think it was something else?" Dean finally asked his green eyes hazy as he finally looked at Sam. Sam huffed and looked around the room.

"It couldn't be, since there were no further attacks, no lore, nothing to make us think that." Dean nodded at Sams words. A ghost identifying them as a threat would not stop coming after them, would have attacked someone else at some point. No one had ever been killed here. The thought was a little absurd.

"Let's take a step back, the thing came to your room, temperature?" Sam asked. Dean shrugged.

"It got cold, like with a ghost, I could see right through it, but it was still there." Dean said, Sam wrote Deans words down, a small smile grazing his face.

"I must admit, I couldn't really see what held you up that wall, and hitting with the crowbar was pure instinct." It was strange, the see through was new, normally the ghosts could manifest themselves, making them look like regular people, evil, timedistorted but still people.

Castiel watched them invisibly by the bed. The man was in the room too. He was still alive, Castiel could feel it.

"Isn't it time to go back into your own body?" He asked cooly. The man jumped visibly startled by someone seeing him.

"There is nothing to go back to, soon I'll be dead." Castiel shook his head, disappearing like that was a partytrick. He bit his lips and looked at Dean, somehow the man had a very specifik grudge out for him. The confusion in his eyes, did it come from Dean knowing the guy? Or was it his words. He didn't want to resort to the girls form again.

 **Authors notes: Sorry for this bad chapter, I'm not feeling it anymore.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8:**

Sam stared cooly at Dean. It couldn't be right, he had to know what did this. Sam hadn't had enough time to be sure, but Dean had to have seen something. He had to have recognized something, but he kept refusing to have seen anything significant.

"Can you just go already? I haven't had nearly enough sleep, and it doesn't seem that we can leave without resolving this issue." Dean said pressing his palms against his eyes in an exhausted motion. Sam shook his head almost unable to hold back a snarky comeback. _Now you want us to be separate_. He stood, looking at the angry marks, Dean had been close to dying, but he hadn't. _He's safe_ , Sam thought, repeating the frase in his head. Could he bear losing Dean again, was he ready? Keeping his habit a secret was exhausting. and he needed more to keep the act up, but being without him was like missing a limb it didn't matter what you did to compensate, that piece of you was still missing.

Dean sighed at the door, when it finally closed. He opened his eyes, squinting at the light creeping in from a crack between the window and the disheveled curtain. It was way to bright. He sighed and rolled over, his back to the light. He'd had time to think it through while Sam had nagged him with his questions. It had seemed eerily familiar, the man, thing that had attacked him. Something tugged at the back of his consciousness, pushing forward in his memory, but something was blocking it. He resigned, and thought about what had happened last night. He had wanted Castiel, no not Castiel, but a female calling herself by his friends name. She had asked of him to want his friend, his very male and innocent friend. He shook involuntarily at the thought. His mind torturing him with the false dream memory of Castiels scratchy cheek touching his own. The soft lips almost impossibly vivid, like an actual memory. He let a rough finger lightly touch his lips in a butterflys touch. He felt bad conjuring things like that up, what would Castiel think? Sam? It felt horrible, almost worse than dying knowing he really did want it. He wanted it. He wanted Castiels kisses, his touch. No he craved it. The thought was as ridiculous as it was insistant. He felt it as a buzzing beneath his skin, making him hot. It was unbelievably hot. He licked his lips.

"Cas." he wanted to say something else, wanted to beg for his friend to come and alleviate his pain. Nothing. He pushed out the words, moaning Cas' name, again and again, until his throat was dry. _You god-damn idiot_ , Dean mouthed at the ceiling.

"I have finally extracted some revenge" the ghostly figure said to Castiel. He tore his eyes from the figure in the bed, begging him for release in every part of his being.

"Do you think this is a game?" Castiel asked cooly. The man smiled at his distrust.

"He did something once." He started stopping himself and looking as Castiels frowning face.

"What did he do? You can talk to me." Castiel said, his attempt obvious. If they knew perhaps they could prevent it. He disappeared. Castiel turned towards Dean. He was writhing in his bed groaning and sweating. It was sexy. Everything about him was. His t-shirt was revealing some tanned well kept skin over a washboard of a stomach, his biceps bulging beneath the tight fabric. He grinded his teeth refusing to succumb to this. Dean didn't really want him, he was being manipulated. Even if his thoughts and desires were all to loud, insistent and sincere. He went to Sams room instead. He was finishing of a call. Ruby. She was disgusting as demons were, but that addiction she had lured Sam into couldn't be good. He waited patiently for Sam to hang up. No interference with Sams addiction, that's what they'd said. When he was putting the phone back down Castiel appeared, more like made himself visible, but Sam jumped and reached for his gun.

"God Cas, what are you doing? Don't just show up out of nowhere, it scares the crap outta people." Castiel suppressed a smile. They sounded alike at times, more than any of them would care to admit.

"Something is wrong with you brother, you should go see him." He tried being straight forward and not be transparent about his knowledge of their situation.

"You know what happened?" Sam asked his eyebrows raised almost reaching his hairline as he tilted his head. Castiel shrugged.

"I heard Dean calling after the.. incident, but his calls were incoherent, and I think you should go help him." He wanted to tell about the man, his anger. He knew who Dean was, and he was very clear about punishing him. Then he had to admit to being there without helping, and witnessing Deans following breakdown to the horny mess in the bed. He couldn't admit any of it. Sam frowned, absorbing Castiels less than convincing story.

"I've just been with Dean, and he was fine." Sam said. Castiel shrugged.

"I'll just check on him myself." Castiel said turning around. He tried to walk casually, not making Sam suspicious, but he needed a buffer. Showing up like a part of Deans incoherent fantasies would be too much og a risk. Dean could reach out, try and touch him. He felt his nether regions stir, and before he fell completely into his fantasies Sam grunted obviously dissatisfied with Castiels reaction. They walked to Deans room and stopped cold outside. Moaning reached Sams ears and the adrenaline started to pump. Dean was in pain, something had been wrong. He burst in, seeing his brother tangled in the sheets, a look of lustful pain on his face.

"Dean!" Sam asked, shaking Dean from whatever had him in it is clutches. Dean looked at Sam, his green eyes clouded from something, like drunken drowsiness.

"Sam, Sam, something is wrong." Dean muttered painfully gripping Sams worn shirt.

"What is happening?" Sam asked trying to examine Dean as he continued to move around relentlessly.

"I need." Dean started, his eyes drifting from Sams serious face to Castiels blue orbs cautiously observing them. He let go of Sams shirt pointing to Castiel.

"Him."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter** **9** :

Castiel felt Sams questioning gaze on him. He wanted to bail on the situation, seemingly shrinking as time passed. Dean got up, making the situation worse as he threw himself in Castiels arms. He caught him by pure instinct and Sam frowned.

"He wasn't like this when I left." He searched Castiels embarrassed face, a red tint riding high on his cheekbones, and he refused to look Sam in the eye.

"Did you do this?" Sam asked, grapping Dean and fighting him, as he tried to help Dean get away from Castiel.

"What? no?" Castiel said truely upset by Sams accusation.

"I've seen the way you look at him!" Sam said, anger coating his every word, making Castiel take a step back. Dean groaned from the loss of contact. Sams tight grip on his shoulders made following Castiels step back impossible.

"You don't understand, I'll die." Dean groaned, he fell to the ground as Sam let go of him.

"What did you say?" Sam asked looking down on Deans face.

"I need release, only him" Dean moaned his hands tugging at the tight grey t-shirt. Sam looked away, looking almost as embarrassed as Castiel.

"Please keep your clothes on." Sam squeezed the words out, his throat suddenly dry. He sent Castiel a mixed look, embarrassment, disorientation, anger and defeat. Defeat won.

"Help me get him to bed, and tell me what to do? We can't leave him like that." Sam took Deans right arm, Castiel the left, as they half dragged, half threw Dean on the bed, an alarming sound of ripping clothes making it clear Dean had had absolutely no intention of letting Castiel go.

"Please help me." Dean seemed completely blind to Sam as he reached out for Castiel, catching him and tugging him down into the bed.

"I think the entity is to blame, someone or something dead has a bone to pick with Dean." Castiel whispered, his words partially blocked by Deans lips desperately trying to connect with Castiels, but he refused to give in.

Sam had a look on amusement on his face, as it dawned on him. Castiel didn't want this, and the desperate tugging, slapping hands away and general discomfort was downright funny. A bark of laughter escaped his lips, as Dean finally ripped that awful coat into pieces, in a desperate attempt to feel Castiels skin. Castiel finally breaking sent Sam a begging look as he mouthed _help me_. Sam shrugged.

"Don't think I'll be much help here." He said trying his best not to full on laugh at the absurd behavior of his big brother. He wasn't quite as tough begging and kissing a less than willing angel. Male angel. He wiped away a tear, as he turned away. God, even the sounds were funny.

"I'm going to check out what is happening in town, perhaps find anyone who has moved here from one of the towns we stayed in, but I think it's a strech." Sam looked back.

"I'll help you." Castiel said, his voice hoarse and scratchy.

"Just stay right there, help Dean. I'll be back." Sam walked away, laughing. Castiel wanted to swear, something he had never done. He tried to resist Deans touch, even if it left a burning desire in the pit of his stomach. He groaned involuntarily and let Deans lips rest on his. They felt soft and warm and wet, and Deans whiskers were scratching his chin. He huffed and positioned himself to be flush with Deans. Dean groaned happily and opened his mouth slightly, tracing Castiels lower lip with his tongue. _I need to be strong_ , Castiel thought as he welcomed Deans tongue into his mouth eagerly sucking it. They separated gasping for air.

"Cas.." Dean whispered, something like clarity coating his previously fogged voice. He looked into Deans eyes, expecting nothing.

"Yes?" He asked trying his hardest not to express any emotional weaknesses on his face or voice. Dean smiled lightly, a happy smile.

"I really do want you. No matter the form." He whispered leaning forward and gently placing a chaste kiss on Castiels rough cheek.

"You really don't." Castiel whispered. Deans long fingers were tracing unrecognizable patterns on his chest. He looked down on Deans tanned hand that was lying on his chest with two fingers disappearing between buttons of his white shirt, the feeling even more thrilling because of the obstacles. He should shy away, use his angelic powers to keep Dean away, but a small selfish part of him needed this. He needed to know how Dean felt, he had intended to use Deans dreams, but now reality knocked on his door making his fantasies come true. He wasn't man enough to pass on this opportunity.

Dean felt feverish. Castiel was close, but it was obvious that he wasn't in the moment.

"You want me to beg?" He asked wryly biting Castiels ear, he shuddered, a look of surprised pleasure on his angelic face. He wanted to please, he wanted pleasure in return, he wanted it now. Castiel softly let his fingers slide over Deans shoulders, pushing him back, it hurt a little, but at the same time it was pleasurable. Dean groaned and tried to wiggle, but Castiel held him firmly at arms lenght.

"Dean, this feeling isn't yours. Someone is forcing you to feel like this, someone who wants to punish you." Castiel said. He was tense. Dean groaned and worked downdown his tight boxers, reavealing an impressive erection. Castiel wanted to say he was strong enough not to look, but his eyes worked their way down Deans body, coming to a halt as they reached their destination.

"Wha..."Castiel almost choked on the question, as Deans member jumped at the sound. Did it have to be so hard to do the right thing. It seemed cruel, god couldn't have wanted it like this.

"This won't go away unless you help me." Dean whispered kissing Castiels jaw.

"You'll regret it." Castiel whispered. Dean shrugged.

"Don't think so, don't care." he said. Castiel groaned. If Dean wouldn't then he would regret for the both of them. He leaned in, spreading kisses all over Deans face and neck. Dean moaned, his fingers silently working on the buttons of Castiels shirt.

"Fuck." Castiel muttered, tearing Deans t-shirt and letting his fingers slide across his muscular chest.

"Fuck me." Dean whispered, Castiel let out a painful growl. Dean pressed his erection against the still clothed erection of Castiel.

"Can't think." Castiel muttered, pushing away Deans fingers, Dean growled at the loss of contact, but licked his suddenly dry lips, as it occurred to him why. Castiel was pushing down his pants with a frantic look on his face, cursing when his shoes became the next obstacle. Dean grinned at the sight, Castiels now free straining member and Castiels frustrated groan as he struggled to get the clothes of around the shoes. Dean let an exploring hand slide down, lightly touching the head of Castiels erection.

"Don't." Castiel groaned, finally ridding himself of shoes, pants and underwear in a fluid though not very graceful movement.

"But why?" Dean said, gently stroking his own member, his eyes disturbingly focused at the thing between Castiels legs. Castiel tried to find some argument, making this a good decision, there wasn't anything coming up in his lust fogged mind. The raw demanding need pulsating through him seemed feral and uncontrollable. He pushed Dean back leaning over him. He spread kisses on Deans face and chest, flicking over a sensitized nipple. Dean groaned.

"What do you want me to do?" He whispered, wondering where the questions came from. A movie? A pornographic movie? he thought continuing his oral assault on Deans upper body. truly fearful of the consequences if he followed his urges to continue down.

"I want you in me." Dean whispered, his fingers pulling Castiels head up.

"How?" he asked, his innocence making Dean laugh.

"I don't normally do dudes, but if a chick's inexperienced I usually prepare her." Castiel groaned at the memory of Deans sensual assault of him as a girl.

"let me lick you fingers." Dean continued, gently sucking in two of Castiels fingers. Castiel groaned and bucked his hips, their erections touching each other at the movement. God how he wanted it. Castiels obvious pleasure made it even more intimate. It made Dean wonder how he would react if instead of Castiels finger Dean was sucking some other even more sensitive part of his anatomy.

"Put them inside me." Dean whispered guiding Castiels hesitant fingers to his entrance. It wasn't like he hadn't played like that with girls before, Dean thought, but Castiels member was way bigger than a finger or two to stimulate. He groaned, when Castiel did nothing.

"Do it." He whispered, pushing himself down on Castiels fingers with a lustful groan. Castiels eyes widened as he suddenly started moving, his fingers pressing against Deans inner walls in a frantic movement. Dean groaned from pain, but let his friend-now-lover get accustomed to the feeling.

"Now your.." Deans words were killed by a hard kiss, their tongues battling for power.

"I know." Castiel whispered in between kisses, in the heat of it all, Dean hadn't noticed them aligning, Castiels member pushed against his entrance as he pulled back his fingers.

"You want this?" He asked panting, Dean felt a dizzying euphoria.

"God yes."

 **Authors notes: Sorry for that graphic scene, but I did warn you it would be like this. My mission is complete and I don't know if you want/need to know who the man was or what Dean did to make him that angry. I would be happy if you PM'ed me with suggestions or requests for the further story or perhaps a review :)**


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